Holiday Survival Tip: Trust
November 20, 2024
Holiday Survival Tip: Rest
December 4, 2024
This article is part of a series originally published in 2021. Revisions have been made by the author.
Expectations…How do you think this holiday season will turn out?
Expectations are your prediction for how things will turn out. These are based on your past experiences, your personality traits, and your mood. Expectations can be realistic, pie in the sky, or gloomy. Some expectations are built on wishes or what you believe should happen. It helps to remember that expectations aren’t facts. They are your reckoning of what might happen in the future.
Holidays are a time of rampant expectations. Yours, your families, corny tv shows (I’m looking at you Hallmark channel), and the marketing world. Your brain spends a lot of time trying to predict the future so that you can be safe. Your resilience depends on you keeping an eye on this process so that you can realistically prepare for the holidays, roll with what comes, and enjoy the good things.
Step Back to Plan
Your brain is an imagination machine. It can plan the most amazing holiday event with no sense of budget, physical limitations, or time constraints. It can also imagine all the ways things can go wrong. Your brain will remember the past bad things, over and over, in hopes you will avoid danger now. It will also skip over the current and future good to look for danger. This is how it tries to keep you safe. A solid tool for checking in with your brain is a blank piece of paper and a pencil. Write or sketch out the flights of imagination then put it aside while your get practical stuff done. Return to your note and decide what, if anything, to do about it. Talk over your imagined plan or worry with someone else. This will help you consider what might actually work out or go wrong, allowing you to plan for the holidays in a way that works for you.
Roll With What Comes
Expect things to not turn out the way you planned. You make lists, shop, wrap, schedule, cook and then…. Life happens. The weather, sheer dumb luck, and other people’s choices impact your life. Expect that you will need to adapt and be flexible. So much is out of your control, like someone not liking a gift or the weather changing. Nothing will turn out just as you expected. When things go wrong – feel your feelings and remind yourself that, in the scope of life, this is normal. You can create some backup plans like having extra food or checking in with a friend in case you need support. Other times you simply do your best and let it go. Plan as best you can and then manage each day as it comes.
Embrace the Good Things
There are so many large and small ways things can go right. The random gift you bought (or made) turns out to be a huge hit! Your new recipe is easier and more delicious than you imagined. You reach out for mutual aid and find a community of people who support your goals. A friend calls just when you need to talk. The gathering you feel obliged to attend turns out to be fun. Our brains tend to think, “good…This is not danger. What’s next?” Stop, take a moment to savor the moment and replay it when you can. One Christmas Eve I felt lonely and decided to go for a walk. Perfect snowflakes covered the ground in silence. It was magical. When things go better than you expect, pay attention. Write it down, celebrate, share it with someone else. Treasure joy.
Pay attention to the holiday expectations swirling in your brain. Talk them out with your close family and friends as their brains are also making predictions. Remembering that these are not facts, but are your best guesses for the future, will allow you to realistically prepare, roll with what happens, and embrace the good things. Take a break. Speak to yourself with compassion. You will manage with your lifetime of experience. In all cases breathe and reach out for support. When things turn out to be better than planned savor the experience. Enjoy, celebrate, and treasure the memory.
I wish for you a season of unexpected joy, safe travel and new recipes that live up to their promise.
Peace,
Laura A. Gaines
Holiday Stress Release Session: I am offering a special kind of coaching session this season – for the same cost as a one-hour coaching session I will do a 90-minute listening session. A confidential, no judgement time allowing you to fully express yourself and come up with next steps. Sessions are by phone or zoom, the the cost is $100 payable in advance by paypal, venmo or cashapp. To schedule, click the button below.
