Boo!
October 30, 2024
Modeling is the act of learning through observation and imitation. Most of your early learning was based on this core human behavior. Language is a powerful example. It is not just what language you speak, but your accent, common phrases, and how you use your hands in conversation that you learned by imitating the people around you. There is no end to this learning. Traveling to a different area you will find yourself picking up the local accent or a new phrase. One of my favorites is the Hawaiin phrase, “talk story”; it means to reminisce and share wisdom in a friendly conversation. Modeling impacts how you operate in this world, both how you are influenced and how you influence others.
Modeling on Purpose
Modeling happens unconsciously. Other people’s moods and energy levels impact you without your awareness. This is meant to keep you safe. If one person in a room spots danger and alerts to it, you are meant to react quickly without a lot of processing time. This would be helpful if you were all hiking and one person spots trouble. It is much less helpful when a co-worker is in a terrible mood and you pick up that energy, finding yourself exhausted at the end of the day. In turn, your mood and attitude will impact others. You can become aware of this process and take steps to be more intentional about how you present to others, and how their modeling affects you.
I pay close attention to this process when I am supporting others. Recently a coaching client was very upset and frantic. I reminded myself that while they were upset, they were also safe. I deliberately slowed my breathing and relaxed my voice to model calm and confidence. I chose not to pick up their frantic mood by focusing on the next few things they could do to take care of themselves. I kept my focus on what would be helpful in the moment without worrying about the possible future. “Let’s just get though the next 15 minutes and then plan the next few hours.” Choosing my focus and being self-aware takes energy. Deliberate modeling needs to be balanced with self-care.
Modeling with Purpose
I am writing this on Monday, 11/4/24 and it will be published 11/6/24. The prediction is that the current USA election will be litigated, debated, and protested for some time. The energy in the news, on social media, and in social circles will likely be intense. Modeling predicts that we could be swept up by passionate emotions of anger, outrage, or fear. My goal is to remember that I am resilient and can model what I want to see in the world. I can also choose what energy I let influence me. I invite you to join me in creating islands of strength and peace in our world. To model strength you need to be able to tap into your own power. Below are some of ideas on how to do this, and I would love for you to contribute your ideas:
Know Your Worth
Knowing your own worth allows you to stand strong during difficult times. You are valuable and important just as you are. No one can diminish your inherent worth. Attacks from people in the news, or people in your life, cannot reduce your right to simply exist. I want to say this loudly for those populations who are under particular attack: refugees, immigrants, members of the LGBTQ++ community, and every other vulnerable population set up as targets for hate. You are badass and you deserve to be here. Find others who support you and spend time cherishing who you are.
Name Your Strengths
Naming your strengths and abilities allows you to tap into them when you need them most. You are strong in ways that are as unique as you. Perhaps you are stubborn, or cheerful, quietly determined or energetic, artistic or practical, there are many ways to be strong. You have a unique constellation of strengths that allow you to be resilient and to move forward with your goals.
Set Your Boundaries
Creating your own boundaries allows you to choose to spend your energy where you feel it is most needed. Notice what is getting your time and attention. When possible, turn off or turn away from negative input. Get the info you need in doses that are tolerable for you. Other people’s emotional storms are not your responsibility (unless they are your children; then that’s a whole ‘nother conversation). Build spaces for yourself of happiness and belonging.
When you can stand in your own value, strength, and space you can model resilience in this world. You can move forward during difficult times and co-create oases of thriving with others. Within our caring communities we can process our feelings, care for ourselves and plan for our future. My goal is to continue to find ways to build resilience in myself, and in others, so that I can contribute to a kinder world. Will you join me?
Peace,
Laura
