Parents today are coping with transitions inside of transitions. Kids change, this has always been true. You finally discover the perfect nap schedule, the next day they give up naps. You buy a houseful of their favorite snack and now they don’t like it. What’s new is that the world is changing at an ever-increasing rate. The world you are raising your child in is different from the world of 5 years ago. What worked for your parents, in your childhood, may no longer be available, acceptable, or effective today. 

How can you be a good parent when you don’t know what will change next? One of the biggest lessons your child is learning is how to manage transitions because they are watching you. 

What are your fundamental goals as a parent? That your child is as safe as possible. That your child knows that they are loved. That your child has the resources they need to be healthy and to grow. When you are not sure what to do next focus in on your priorities.  

Give yourself credit for how much energy this takes. You are not exhausted because you are doing this wrong. You are exhausted because adapting to change requires so many of your internal resources. You can’t parent the same way you were raised because the world is different. You can’t parent the way you did last year, because your child has grown. Constant adaptation is tiring. 

Stop to breathe, include your child. During a time of transition a lot is going on. Pause, breathe, hug. Another grounding technique is to go outside, or look out a window, and gaze at something in the distance. This is a tangible way to get perspective. Ground yourself and consider your priorities. Take time to enjoy the now even as you live through transitions.

“Well, that didn’t go the way I wanted.” As you are coping with transitions so are your children. Mistakes are guaranteed. The first time my daughter made box macaroni and cheese all by herself we had mac and cheese soup – way too much milk! It was a new taste sensation and it was just fine. You have to try new approaches and they won’t all work.

Find a community that supports you and your children. People who support your priorities, will breathe with you, see how hard you are working, and have a great sense of humor! As your children get older be sure they see that they are valued contributors to this community too.  

Transitions nested inside transitions while coping with change is what parenting looks like today. As your kids watch you manage, they will learn to be flexible and resourceful. As they transition into big kids and then adults they can become part of your support structure.  

Supporting your resilience during life’s transitions is one of our central goals. We focus on the cycle of Learn – Model – Teach. As you learn to support your own resilience you model and teach it to your children. We can provide support through our Shrinking Anxiety class, resilience coaching, and via informal chats on Facebook or LinkedIn.  

Reach out. There is no need to do this alone.

Peace,

Laura