Notice Your Locus
May 29, 2024
The Power of Your Locus Over Time
June 12, 2024
The past two blogs have been about Locus of Control – what it is and how to notice it. Being aware of your own perception of who’s in charge allows you increased resilience. You can exercise the power you have and let go of things that are not in your control. This combination of stepping up and stepping back, to what you can and can’t do, allows you more power and less stress.
Your resilience allows you to recover from difficult times or to move ahead even when things are an uphill climb. Tuning into your locus of control allows you to see where to take the next steps. After a disaster you may be thinking, “are you kidding? This is one hot mess, there are no steps to take.” You may have to start small – You can inhale, exhale. You can write down your thoughts and feelings. You can do one small thing, then another. See which of the following ideas appeal to you:
Focus on Your Power
Notice, when you use words of control “I have to”, “there’s nothing I can do about it”, or the more passive “life is just like that.” Write down all you are stressed about and look at where you are assigning control. What part of this day, or this situation, is in your internal locus of control? What part of it is truly external, meaning that someone or something else is making it happen? There is a lot of fine tuning here. Many things are external – other people’s attitudes, gravity, or schedules you didn’t make. Find your internal locus of control, where you do have power and choice. Taking the time to look for your options is itself an act of internal control. Find ways to use the phrases, “I can”, “I will”, or “I choose.”
Recruit Reinforcements
It may be that this is your situation to own, but there is too much to do alone. A significant health problem, trouble with your house, or some other major situation. Asking for help is firmly in your locus of control. Who you ask, what you request, and assessing the help offered are all part of your internal locus. “This is mine to manage” does not mean you are alone in tackling the situation. It does mean that you are the primary decision maker. Asking for help is not the same as asking someone to rescue you. Life is not a DIY project; it is more like being a project manager with many, many options for subcontracting.
Respect and Empower
What if you care about someone else’s problem? You are worried about a friend. You hear yourself saying, “If that were my …… (dog, house, job) I would ….” That is out of your locus of control; it isn’t your stuff. Trying to take away their control sounds like, “I will call you every day, offer unsolicited advice then resent you for not following my advice.” That would be picking up burdens that are not yours to manage. You could say, “Sounds like you are having some trouble, would you like a hand? I could do this to help.” Then they say ‘yes,’ ‘no,’ or ‘not now.’ Your locus of control lies in your offer and in the limits of your offer. “I can come over for a few hours on Saturday and give you a hand with X.” Caring and offering help supports your friend’s locus of control. This reduces overwhelm, exhaustion, and resentment for you, while empowering them to tune into their own choices.
Pay attention to what is and isn’t in your locus of control. Step up where you have control and notice your choices. Step back to protect your energy and to avoid taking on burdens that are not yours. This can result in a list of things to do, and a list of things to let go of. When asking for or offering help, notice who is in charge of a project. Use clear communication to offer or accept assistance. Taking time to notice your internal locus of control allows you to use your resilience to move forward on your journey.
Habits of thought can be hard to change. Taking a step back to consider your own locus of control can be more easily accomplished with a good listener. Laura has availability for a few coaching clients right now. Learn more and schedule a free consultation at learnmodelteach.com.
Peace,
Laura
