What Self-Advocacy is Not
January 22, 2025
Self-advocacy is the process of working with others to get your needs met. It requires self-respect and assertiveness. In “what it is not” I make the point that it also requires an ask; you must have a goal. Your first layer of self-advocacy may focus on what you don’t want, removing barriers in your day-to-day life. Over time your goals are likely to grow as the existing obstacles are removed. But where to begin? The song “Do-Re-Mi” from the Sound of Music plays in my head.
“Let’s start at the very beginning.
A very good place to start.
When you read you begin with
A, B, C.
When you sing you begin
With do-re-mi.”
The song’s point is that once you have the basic elements, you can combine them in many different ways.
“When you know the notes to sing,
You can sing most anything!”
This analogy makes a lot of sense to me. There are basics of self-advocacy to learn, or to support in others, and once someone has mastered the basics, there are creative and unique ways to build and combine. To extend our analogy – one voice singing a song has limited power. A choir, singing together, is powerful. What are the “do-re-mi” of self-advocacy? I will start with some basics: everyday resources, an ability to ground, and a belief in the right to ask.
Everyday Resources
These are the items at the bottom of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs: food, water, shelter, and physical safety. It is incredibly hard to focus on goals and plans when exhausted, in pain, or depleted. Take time to care for yourself or to ask for help for these necessary resources. When stressed it can be helpful to plan out the next few meals or to put a snack in your bag so that you know these things are covered. Taking time to be sure that your basic needs are met is not a distraction from self-advocacy, it is a foundational step. If you are working on a longer-term goal, time out for restoration is part of long-term success.
Ability to Ground
Whether singing or self-advocating, grounding yourself is an excellent place to begin. Take a few slow breaths, feel your connection to your body and the planet, then wiggle your toes. Identify your important values or goals. Name your safe people and spaces. When life gets hectic care for yourself in micro-doses. A few slow breaths will stimulate your parasympathetic nervous system, calming your heart rate and giving you strength. A sip of water can get you in touch with your energy. A reminder that you are loved and lovable can lift your heart. Grounding yourself is an ongoing process of meeting your basic needs as best as you can with love and attention for your own body, brain, and spirit. It allows you to stand strong.
Belief in Your Right to Ask
You must believe that it is your right to ask for your needs to be met. You are not being unreasonable when you ask to be respected. Even if someone else says you are. It is likely that you will face push-back when you start to advocate for yourself. To keep going you will need to have confidence in your ask. You can build this through talking to supportive people, reflecting on what you see around you, and learning about other people’s journeys. You are not “out of line” to ask for your needs to be met in a fair and accessible way.
To begin building your self-advocacy skills follow the song and start at the beginning, “Do-re-mi.” As you learn the elements you can combine them in whatever way fits your needs. The first element is everyday resources, taking time to get what you need and to care for yourself. Another element is the ability to ground yourself, a skill that grows with practice. A third is belief that you have the right to ask for what you need. These central elements increase your strength as you seek to work with others to get your needs met.
As we continue to explore the topic of self-advocacy, we are not looking for steps to follow in order but rather elements to combine to meet the needs of the situation. I have a rough list of those elements in the first blog and look to expand and clarify them in the next few blogs. I look forward to you joining in the conversation on LinkedIn, Facebook or by email.
Peace,
Laura
