Introducing my childhood friend Robin. Robin and I lived across the street from one another for 6 years as kids. I have moved many times since then. We have stayed friends, first as pen pals and now via phone calls and zoom. She is a devoted cat mom, an active volunteer in her community, and a wonderful friend. In “What is Your Anti-Kryptonite?” I pointed out that we all have our unique coping strategies even when we know each other well. Here is my edited interview with her about her primary coping skill, faith:

Laura:

There’s a universe of coping skills that we all use. I am looking at people’s primary coping skill. Yours is faith.

Robin:

It is. I do other things, but my backup is always faith. I go on facebook and I like to see the prayers and the faith-based posts. And music, I like faith-based music. During COVID, when we were stuck at home, one of the things I found helpful was to print out inspirational posts or emails and hang them around my apartment.   

I told myself the whole time, you know, whatever happens, God’s got my back. This is always helpful because I’ve been through so much. I don’t have to tell you that. It reminds me that whether it’s good, bad, or indifferent, my faith is what helps me get through it. 

I’ve grown over the years because of it.

Laura:

How has your faith helped you grow?

Robin:

As I’ve grown from the other things, I believe I’ve been able to grow as a Christian, and that’s also helped me become stronger in the other ways. I don’t know if I could have dealt with everything I’ve dealt with, if I didn’t have my belief in God and didn’t know that God was there helping me. God has always loved me. And that’s something that’s really important to me. 

When it all boils down to it, I have a faith that’s always there. It always gets me through. I remember a time when I was in a really bad place with my depression, and I was hysterically crying. I called, talked to a hotline counselor. I found it really interesting. The counselor said, “I can tell you have a spark really deep inside you.” 

I know what that spark is. It’s not a random something that keeps me going. It’s God. My faith.

Laura:

Where did it come from? How did you develop your faith?

Robin:

In high school, I met someone who got me started in Bible study. Then my friend and I met a girl in high school who invited us to a satellite service for Columbia Baptist Fellowship. The person doing it was a pastoral intern. When she was done, we didn’t want to stop, so we started coming over to the main church, and I’ve been coming ever since.

Laura:

How many years has that been?

Robin:

I started going there when I was maybe 17. 

Laura:

And we aren’t teens anymore!

Robin:

I’m trying not to think about the numbers anymore. But, you know, that’s how long I’ve been going. I’ve had two times that I came so close to dying, and I have to think that God had me where He had me, at the time He had me, and that’s why I’m alive. 

Laura:

So now, when things happen and you’re not sure about it, you think, ‘Well, there must be a reason to this that I don’t understand.’ With faith as your primary coping skill, what are some of your practices? 

Robin:

I am part of Bible study fellowship. And believe me, that’s not an easy thing. It’s like being in college. I’m part of the choir at church, which is a really good way of worshiping through song. I also volunteer at the day center for the homeless with my church. I’m on the fellowship team and a couple other things through church.

I have a lot of friends that are Christian, we talk about how God is active in life and how we need to keep Him active in our lives. I have good mentors. I also use mental health services, and anxiety-reduction behaviors. 

But I don’t know if they’d work if I didn’t have God. One thing I do a lot, when I go to bed at night, because I’ve had a history of nightmares, I do deep breathing and positive phrases. I breathe slowly and say, “God is with me,” or “God’s going to see me through.” I inhale and exhale to each word and syllable. I do that until I fall asleep. I like it because it puts me to sleep in a positive way. 

Laura:

Yeah, so you start your sleep without worrying or ruminating.

Robin:

That is really helpful to me. Whether it’s my own stuff or the world’s stuff, it doesn’t matter what it is. Going to bed on a more positive mindset. I’m not guaranteed never to have nightmares, but it’s a lot less likely to happen. Or be less severe. 

I’m promised two things: that if I’m right with God, when it’s my time, I’m going to be with Him, and that He’ll get me through no matter what. Those are the things I tell myself. I do my best to live my life in a way that shows God’s love by my actions. 

Laura:

Any other things you want to say before we wrap up? 

Robin:

Well, even when I wasn’t a Christian, He obviously was helping me through, because He sent me your family and I got a lifetime friend out of it.

Robin has reviewed this post. She and I hope that sharing her coping strategy adds to the conversation about unique strategies people have as their primary coping skill. Her view on people believing differently than she does is that it is none of her business, that God is in charge and her job is to follow her own path. We all have our own core beliefs and coping strategies. You are welcome to share your perspective by email or in the comment section.  

Peace,

Laura