Gratitude and Grief
November 22, 2023
Holiday Stress 2023
December 6, 2023
Dreams and Goals
You’ve got to be resilient if you are going to reach your big important goals. Turns out resilience is necessary for the good things, not just for getting over (or through) the terrible bad things. If your goal is to cuddle into the sofa and watch all the episodes of your favorite show, you don’t need many resilience skills. With just a little foresight you can get the right ratio of snacks to beverage and you are good to go. But those big goals and dreams of yours are going to take some resilience skills.
In the past few months, I have been talking to friends and family about their goals and dreams. It has struck me that they will need resilience skills to make them happen. These include: college degree, buy or build a new house, raise a child and have another, build a business, write (and market) a book, makeover home and yard, move overseas, hike to the bottom of the Grand Canyon (and back up), job hunt, get (and stay) married. All of these are more fun than recovering from disaster, but they still require resilience because none of them are easy.
Why do humans pursue challenging things? The whole couch/movie thing is easy but it doesn’t produce much excitement or pride. When you push yourself to do things that are hard and interesting you feel more alive. This is the adult version of play. Learning, trying, being creative, experimenting, finding out what works and what doesn’t. And yet, it can also be frustrating, and exhausting. Very few long-term pursuits turn out exactly the way you envisioned. The truth is there is no such thing as perfection. In the pursuit of big goals we take agency in our lives, creating purpose and meaning, even if the path veers off from our original intent.
What resilience skills do you need to do the good things?
Persistence
Keep moving forward toward your goal. Try another angle when the one you are on doesn’t seem to be working. Rest, recover, and go again. Taking a break isn’t the same as quitting. Pause and persist. Try another angle or a different approach.
Frustration Tolerance
That thing you are building for the garden isn’t working as intended. Take a break, take it apart (again) and keep breathing. Embrace the lack of perfection, that is a myth. Accept your own limitations, allow yourself to feel your feelings. Engage in self-care and do not beat yourself up for needing to try again to do the hard thing.
Ask for HELP
Really – there is no prize for doing it all by yourself. Nope. All of the challenging things I listed have been done by others. Learn from them, ask for pointers, share ideas with people on the same path. Ask for and give emotional support. This results in more success and a healthier community. Win-win.
Tell Yourself the Truth
This thing you are planning to do (or are doing) is neither as hard nor as easy as you think. The challenge often lies in unexpected places. Pay attention to what is making it hard so that you can best move forward. Is it you? You lack confidence so you don’t go all in. Imposter syndrome or insecurities can cause you to quit before you reach your goal. Or is it rigged? That boss/supervisor really is prejudiced and has created roadblocks that are extreme. Pay attention to the actual barriers in place so you can plan accordingly.
Looking over my past blog posts so many of them apply to this topic. Resilience is a necessary ingredient for accomplishing your important, life building goals. Keep building your resilience so that you can cope with the bad stuff and pursue the great stuff. You can access the blog posts, tools, and info about coaching on the website. I look forward to hearing about your successes. I can always be reached at resilience@learnmodelteach.com. You are welcome to send an email about your wins, use of resilience skills, and any questions.
Peace, Laura
