The holiday season is here – bringing possibilities for both gratitude and grief. Annual events highlight the arc of time. Outside the holiday season your brain is busy with everyday schedules and tasks. Holiday events and traditions disrupt schedules and connect you to past years. Your brain strings together memories over time – shopping trips, holiday meals, gatherings, and traditions. Then your brain compares and contrasts bringing feelings along with the thoughts.  

In my family the biggest event of the holiday season is Thanksgiving dinner. My father’s favorite holiday was Thanksgiving. He passed away 5 years ago. At this time of year his loss is made tangible. There will be others I will miss as well. In the same breath, I delight in new faces at the table and the updates from young adults and teens. I remember when each nephew or niece was the youngest at dinner, now the youngest is a great nephew. And I am one of the oldest.  

Holiday events take you out of your day-to-day existence and create a pause. Traditions of delicious food and favorite events are recreated. It is comforting to slip back into “the way we celebrate” and yet each year is different. Little kids don’t stay little. Adults may no longer have the stamina to do all the traditions. People change, which impacts relationships. New people are added to the mix, shifting the dynamics in the room. New recipes and ideas are added to the plans. 

Holidays are a season for coming together with others, which is the best way to manage both gratitude and grief. Celebrate the gratitude. Speak it aloud. Say thank you to those who help make the good stuff happen. Allow yourself to enjoy the things you love and to step away from what you don’t. Speak the grief out loud as well. Talk about those you miss. Reach out for support when you need it. Give yourself permission to feel all your feelings and to take care of yourself during the busy season.  

I wish you many reasons for gratitude and all the support you need for grief.  

Peace,

Laura A. Gaines

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