In Anxiety’s Secret Tricks I described how anxiety keeps you from pursuing big goals in the name of keeping you safe. Just like an adult working to protect a small child, the tricks are to divert, distract, and discourage you from doing new and challenging things. There are ways to combat this, as shown by super stubborn children. The winning combination is commitment, community, and courage.  

If you have a big goal, a dream you want to pursue, your anxiety may want to keep you safe. To push through you will need to commit – be positively stubborn, build community – get to know people who know how, and have courage – expect challenges and keep going anyway.

In the last blog I described keeping a little kid from riding bikes with the big kids using divert, distract, and discourage. Most of the time, this works. But now and then a kid gets an idea in their head and over time they win the match. What this looks like:  

• Commitment – Some little kids won’t let the idea go. You can divert them to another activity now and then, but they don’t forget. They notice big kids riding bikes everywhere they go and are super excited about doing it too. 
• Community – The toddler talks to the big kids and the big kids encourage them. One day you open the door to find an 11-year-old offering to help. Or they tell grandma who runs out to get them a bigger bike. You are no longer trying to distract one child but a whole team.  
• Courage – Falls happen, knees are skinned, and bruises blossom on shins. Tears, band aids, and hugs are needed but minutes later they are back on the bike. They get back up and get going after every spill. They will not be discouraged. 

With this combination your little kid is riding with the big kids who are cheering them on. You tried to keep them safe; instead, you have an advanced rider on your hands.  

This is what it takes to pursue a big goal.  An adult who wants to get started with public speaking will need the same combination.   

• Commitment – Clarify your goal and don’t let it go. Notice opportunities for speaking and pursue them. Give talks when and where you can learn as you go. Don’t get diverted into building a website or polishing the perfect speech that no one ever hears.  
• Community – Talk to people who are enthusiastic about your goal. Friends or professionals who are willing to give you pointers, share opportunities, and give you helpful feedback. Connect with them regularly to share your progress and questions.  
• Courage – Expect to make mistakes. You may freeze up, get off topic, or experience equipment failure. Learn from what didn’t work out and grow. Don’t be discouraged. Every speaker has stories to tell about talks that didn’t go as planned.  

If you are doing something new and audacious, expect that your anxiety will try to divert, distract, and discourage you so that you stay safe. It is up to you to move forward with commitment, community, and courage. Repeating these skills over and over will allow you to make a difference in your own life. Anxiety is meant to keep you safe, not to stop you from growing. Only you know what goals will light up your life.

Peace,

Laura