Your Self-Talk Matters

accepting your badassness
Accepting Your Badassness
August 30, 2023
Family Resilience
September 13, 2023

Your Self-Talk Matters


In the last four blogs we looked at self-assessment and the importance of using a kind and accurate lens. Life is a “choose your own adventure book” with you as the lead character. Your assessment of you will impact the paths you travel. If your self-understanding is accurate, kind, and compassionate you can better react to life’s challenges, explore opportunities, and advocate for your own needs. You become a healthier you, which benefits all of us. 

Your self-truth impacts you in many ways. Here are a few:  


Negative mood and negative self-assessment go hand in hand. If you see yourself as a no-good screw up, then your mood will follow suit. Any mistake will plunge you into a terrible mood. Your compassionate self-truth allows you to see yourself as worthy, lovable, and deserving of kindness even when you are not perfect. When mistakes happen, you will be freer to consider what went wrong rather than despairing over how awful you are. Yes, you will still have struggles. Resilience is easier when you can see that you are a decent human being going through a hard time.


If your self-assessment is harsh and judgmental you are likely to feel you don’t deserve to care for your own needs. When you have a positive view of yourself you can see that your doctor’s appointments, your aching tooth, your need for rest are as important as anyone else. You will be more likely to support those things that boost your resilience. You will know you deserve care, beauty, and kindness. You will also be more likely to notice when you are struggling due to life’s demands and see that you have the right to ask for help.

Decision Making

When opportunity arises a realistic and self-compassionate view allows you to make decisions that best fit you. “I would love to help, but I am overextended. I need to say no right now.” or “that’s a new challenge I feel ready for, yes!A negative self-view will make it more likely that you will put your needs last, or not try something new. Caring for yourself allows you to step back and consider what paths you want to pursue for yourself.

Goal Setting

If you have a negative view of yourself, your goals are likely to focus on fixing yourself: lose weight, declutter, do things you “should” do. A more compassionate view allows you to focus on what you want to do, or what will improve your life Interestingly, it might look the same from the outside. An office makeover done to “quit being such a mess” vs “give myself a beautiful place to work” looks the same to an outsider but feels very different to you. A project done out of self-compassion takes a lot less energy than one done from self-judgement. 

Reading through the blog series you will be encouraged to notice the ways you talk to yourself about yourself and focus on a kind and accurate self-description. Caring for yourself makes you a healthier person who is better able to cope with the demands of life. This increases your ability to be resilient and to contribute to the resilience of those around you.  


Laura A. Gaines

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